2019 Song​-​a​-​Week Thingy

by John Brownell

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about

I'm posting a song a week in 2019 ... for some reason. At least, I'm gonna try.

More here:
slackmotherfucker.com

Videos:
www.youtube.com/user/obliojoe/videos

credits

released January 1, 2019

license

all rights reserved

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about

John Brownell Missoula, Montana

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Track Name: Week 1: Happens Every Time
Your words get heard
It’s hard to hear
Your heart outsmarts
Your inner ear
Made too much noise to disappear
And then you look up and realize that it is yet a new year

You put the quill to ink
You put the ink to paper
You put the paper in the bin
It happens every time
Until you trick your own mind
Into starting over again
From the beginning

The novelist gets pissed
And writes a poem
The poem’s shit so it
Becomes a song
The songwriter’s tired and hates to sing
And so the tune becomes just melody without a story

You press play and record
And then you play some chords
But you undo every take
It happens every time
You trick your own mind
Into making a mistake
And now you’re reeling

I don’t need an outside voice to say when I succeed
My inside voice says one more time my friend
This time with feeling

I don’t need to make any more resolutions
I just need to find some paper and a pen
And start over again

From the beginning
Track Name: Week 2: I Don't Need A Friend
I don’t need a friend
Who tells me everything is alright
When it’s not alright
But I don’t need a friend
Who tells me everything is wrong
When every thing is wrong

You had your reasons for tightening the lid
You had your reasons for keeping that fact hid
While I cannot see the other side of your eyelids
I wonder if you remember what you did
Do you remember what you did?

Well sure, I felt a bit stupid
I admit took a cheap cheap shot
Escalated when I shoulda just walked away
But I swore I wouldn’t do it
That thing where I pretend it’s alright
When it’s not all right

I had my reasons for walking on eggshells
I didn’t wanna get into the lies we story-tell
I wanna be the author of the writing on the wall
So when you see it you will know who to call
When you see it you will know who to call

He don’t need a friend with which to play
He don’t need to meditate
He don't need to get to work by 8
He don’t need us
He don’t need us
Anyway

You had your reasons for ripping off the lid
You had your reasons for calling me on my bullshit
We cannot see the other side of our ego trip
But I remember what you did
I remember what you did

I don’t need a friend
Track Name: Week 3: High Time
You are a sweet talker
And I devour every word that you bake
You are a fast walker
And I struggle to keep up with your pace
You are my beta blocker
In a rainstorm under the roof
You are electroshocker
When this awful place drives me cuckoo

And as the world gets meaner
Our house gets cleaner

It’s high time
To get high
Put on our birthday suits
Lock the doors
Ignore the wars
Don’t watch the news
There are plenty of people
Who are much worse off
And though I don’t know exactly who
I’ll bet they’re fighting
I hope they’re fighting in lieu
Of me and you

You are a laughing gasser
I used to laugh at your worldview
I am a first classer
You once saw first class on your way to the loo
I am the forecaster
And there’s big storm making landfall
We are dark matter
It turns out we don’t matter at all

And as the world grows ugly
We’ll cuddle snugly

It’s high time
We get high
As the world goes down the tubes
Turn off our goddamn phones
Blow each others’ nose
And stop watching the fucking news
There are plenty of people
Who are much worse off
Than me and you
And I bet they’re fighting
I’ll bet they’re fighting
I’ll bet somebody’s fighting
And since we’re not fighting
I hope they do
Track Name: Week 4: Hidden Hand
Took a lap
Around the life sized map
All frayed at the edges
By the boundary hedges
Where the pixels appear
And the compass line veers
Into the alpha glow

Sat alone
In the overgrown
As the moon’s light traded
With the sun’s light faded
When a glitch in the system
Revealed a hidden schism
And the seams began to show

In the grasses and in the trees
On the edge of the periphery
The cracks
Distract
Until the stitches are all I see

But I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to sit and watch the way
This day
Fades from my display
As the hidden hand traces the rays
As the hidden hand traces the rays

The hidden hand that animates us
Also animates the stardust
Though I’m inclined
To think not so divine
As I examine its kludgy design

Could it be the engineering involved
Is all mundane now and pretty much solved
And now these gods unaware
Of the gray in my hair
Are stuck reticulating splines

Your very own creator
Master simulator
Is asleep
at the wheel
How does it make you feel

I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to watch and mystify
The skies
Reflected in my eyes
As the hidden hand renders the light
As the hidden hand renders the light

Now the scene grows liminal
I lose my grip on traditional
And I surmise
I'm just copy with no original

I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to sit and watch the way
This day
Fades from the display
As the hidden hand traces the rays

I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to watch and mystify
The skies
Reflected in my eyes
While the hidden hand hides from me
The hidden hand hides from me
Track Name: Week 5: Doubters
They revealed themselves each dawn
No choruses, no cannons, no gongs
Their demonstrations drew in the throngs
For an unexpected encounter

Still, there were doubters

They were lined up on your lawns where
In a shimmery show they just spawned there
And they spoke in peculiar tongues
Like some distant out-of-towners

Still, there were doubters

All the things they left in a rush
All the things we’ve gained
All the meaning is lost to us
All the beauty remains

Still, there are doubters
Track Name: Week 6: Kitchen Fire
You light the kitchen fire
Turn to face the night
You are the town crier
But tonight your cheeks are dry

You fill your vessel full
You can’t see anything as it really is
And though you never will

Every mundane thing is filled with brilliance
Every mundane thing is filled with light

Your love is a work of art
With watercolor guns
I’ve been breaking hearts
Since before you even had one

You say I’m adorably disappointing
But that’s not my intention
We break up in slow-mo

Just because I want to stay
Don’t mean that I do not want to go

You start the kitchen fire
Turn to face the night
You are the town crier
But tonight your cheeks are dry

When the sickness hits your gut
And your heart collapses
Into the singularity

Please remember
With enough pressure
Anything can become a black hole
Track Name: Week 7: Figure It Out
My pretty ditty pits its
Petulant intents against
The sense my friends are fences
I must try to ascend

I dreamed a different scene
The grass was greener
I could glean a new crew
One that would skew to
Venues i don't do

And for the first time in my life
I’ll sing about the last time
In my life

I’ll never figure it out
Oh my God
I’ll never figure it out

The Michiganders
Set the standard
I got gerrymandered
My head was redistricted
My heart was unbound

I flew the coop, regrouped
And discharged all my troops
I scooped good views
And dirtied shoes
Now i avoid my old town

And for the last time in my life
I’ll sing about the first time
In my life

I’ll never figure it out
Oh my God
I’ll never figure it out

For the first time in my life
I felt justified to
Harmonize

For the first time in my life
I started writing songs and making music
That I actually kinda liked to listen to

And I was like
Oh My God

I think I figured it out
I think I figured it out
Track Name: Week 8: Fiction
A rose is a rose is a rose
Or so it goes
But you by any other name
Would not be the same
And I’m beginning to fear
That you were never even really here
What is in a name?
What is in a name?
When your name is fiction
Track Name: Week 9: My Own Private Mar-a-Lago
I dreamed i was surrounded by my very own sycophants
My friends were smiling, talking but I couldn’t hear what they said
It was my own private Mar a Lago

They called me sir and offered anything i wanted
They shielded me from scrutiny no matter what i did
It was my own private Mar a Lago

I sidled up to the omelet bar
Like Napolean Bonaparte
"Make me one with extra ketchup and hold the caviar"

I made the rounds glad-handing every hand in sight
They snickered as they called me eloquent and erudite
It was my own private Mar a Lago

There was a huge christmas palm tree
Below a huge portrait of me
In a huge mansion built on hyperbole

I was the commander and the chief
I was surrounded by gold leaf
Oh say can you see the chateau glow
It’s my own private
Mar a Lago
Track Name: Week 10: Just a Kid
She’s got a stone inside her chest
Like an anchor tying down her heart and yet
She tells her mother not to fret
She’s been making plans and there’s no time for regret
She pulls on her nicest dress

And pedals down the road
She knows exactly where to go
She knows the guard won’t even ask it
Ask what she’s got there in her bicycle basket

She turned 14 years this summer
But everyone says she looks 2 years younger
And those men are always bored
Drinking hard and telling jokes about the war
And hoping for more war

She was just a kid
But that didn’t stop him from looking
And when she led him from the pub
He didn’t think twice about how old she was

They say these soldiers learned the hard way
Well they don’t know what the hard way is
Because they haven’t seen the things these soldiers did
They say these soldiers are young
Well she would beg to differ
They have an army
She don’t have an army
But she has a gun
She has a gun

She was just a kid
There’s no getting around it
If you were just fourteen
Could you even get through it
If you had a time machine
Would you go back and help her do it?
Track Name: Week 11: I Hope You Didn't Waste Your Time
I never thought I’d have to be the one to say to you
Darling
Every single thing you’ve come to know is wrong.
It’s startling.
As the sticky cloudy mess of your old memories displace
You’ll find
You’re exactly where you’ve always been in this particular space
And time

It always starts out unfamiliar
But true awareness is a real pain killer
And soon enough you’ll recognize this voice is mine

I never thought I’d have to be the one to tell you
Darling
Every little thing you’ve come to know as something
was nothing.
And the itchy sneaking sense you recognize as familiarity
Baby
It over exposes your nerves they grow like roses it’s true
This is the real you

The mysterious dream foundation of
The collective consciousness is love
In the library of your mind
I hope you didn’t waste your time
Track Name: Week 12: See Ya Later
I wasn't looking for a friend
But apparently you were
You would show up here every day
In the field while I work

You’d seem to wonder why
I don’t just up and fly
And leave this work behind me

I wasn't looking for a friend
But apparently you knew
She’s been gone for 3 years now
Or is it only 2?

You have no need for me
I used to chase you from the apple tree
But now it makes me smile to see you here again

When I look at you like I just wanna leave
You look back as if to say, “Just use your wings."

Silly bird

I wasn’t looking for a friend
But there you are
Looking at me like I’m dummy
As I get into my car

And say out loud, “I’ll see ya later”
Track Name: Week 13: The Glow
My love looks up as if to say
isn't it spectacular the way
The light just bends
And all the receivers in the world
Inside the tumble and the twirl
Cannot conceive of where it ends

And look
See how it shatters and explodes upon the brook
I don’t know why it leaves me shook
I’m simultaneously enraptured and confused
So confused

My love looks up at me and blinks
She don’t need to tell me what she thinks
The creek explains what’s in her head
So I sit in silence until night
Refract her gaze with delight
Wink to acknowledge what was said

So sweet
What starts out as panic always turns to glee
Her incandescence lights my mind
Her self-luminous design
Is all I need to see

Let’s go
Let's focus our optics on the rainbows
Let's shake off the shadows
Let's exit the penumbra for the glow
Track Name: Week 14: Fault Lines
The shifting lines
Of the merchants and their signs
Built many years ago
Threaten to outgrow
The anxious sun
That warms the bees
In the fruit trees
Buzzing around like they know
They may not be around tomorrow

Oh have they seen
The computer machine
So cold is that warm wonder
And there’s a hidden maze
Behind the cathode rays
Where the smell of the ozone might remind them of the thunder (and rain)

There’s an old joke
About a poor old bloke
Who’s being outrun by his friend
While being chased by an elephant
Or something like that
You may feel like a dummy
If you don’t think it’s funny
Buzzing around like you know
You may not be around tomorrow

And tomorrow feels
So perfect and real
Really really real and frustrating (they knew)
Ready for you
Ready to take action and do
Any and every thing that it’s gonna take (it’s true)

You are the blessed ones
But your daughters and your sons
They’re lost in the tableau (and they know)
It’s your fault lines
In your ageing spines
And the greatest gift you can give is getting to know
Getting to know that you may not be around tomorrow
Track Name: Week 15: Loves the Way
She’s outside with the alley ants
While he’s inside doing cocaine comedy with his cobweb legs
She’s a girl who loves a friendly flight
While he’s an apathetic dinosaur who locks the door in a friendly fight

And he loves the way she doesn’t love him anymore

He was born with his inside out
She was born outside in silence and doubt
He feels like a conscious calculator
She feels like a crooked road with a tired toad wishing that she was straighter

And he loves the way she doesn’t love him
And he loves the way she doesn’t love him anymore

Floating reminiscence obscure and vague, cruel and sedate
Unite the broken links in the chain of memory
It seems easy to see the degree to which they feel the need to disagree
Do they see how strange it is to be this way?

It doesn’t seem like it

And he loves the way she doesn’t love him
And he loves the way she doesn’t love him anymore
Track Name: Week 16: Sarah Meyers
Well it's a straight shot
From my house through
The icy parking lot
Adjacent to
The shopping mall
That's where i'll be with you today

Orange julius
Icy cold and sweet
In that indoor
Air-conditioned breeze
Two lips, one straw
As we brain freeze together

And we will avoid
The kids who smoke out front
By the busted bike racks
They don't even care who sees them
And we won't care
Who sees us holding court
In the food court

The hot chick
At the hot topic
May be eye candy
For those strange myopic
Goth kids
But that's not me

And as we walk by the store
With the pink lingerie
We'll smile and blush
And pick up the pace
Until we find sanctuary
At Abercrombie

And we will avoid
Laughing at the elderly power walkers
They don't even care who sees them
And we won't care
Who sees us holding hands
At the food court

My stepdad
Always complains
About the kids these days
And when he asked me with a frown
Why we don’t hang out downtown

I said I don't care
What they got downtown
When the mall's got Sarah Meyers
And summer year-round

We will avoid
The kids who smoke out front
By the busted bike racks
They don't even care who sees them
We will avoid
Laughing at the elderly power walkers
They don't even care who sees them
And we won't care
Who sees us holding court
At the food court
Track Name: Week 17: That Guy
White pride
Smiles wide
She doesn’t have a good side
I wish she’d relax while I pretend technique

She never learns
She always turns
But she’s got good coin to burn
And now the paint is drying as we speak
I can tell this is going to be a shit week

White lies
True and tried
Until she acts like we’re on the same side
But she could not be any more mislead
My skin’s
Lack of melanin
Makes these assholes think that I am in
Some fucking club that I never attended

But I can tell this ain’t gonna end … well ...

I don’t want to be That Guy
Painting portrait of a rich man’s wife
Though it pays for all my supplies
It’s not what I want to do

I don’t want to be That Guy
But here I am hauling brushes and paint knives
Painting pictures of a woman I don’t like
And feeling like a fool

But I’m not so I oughta stop
cropping out the ugly bits
Or just quit and get back to painting the moon

The whites of his eyes
Bring to mind
An empty canvas left high and dry
It must be nice deciding who proceeds
His white words
Overheard
“Success requires failure”
Must be nice... losing to succeed

I don’t want to be That Guy
Sucking up to folks who think I
Might make them look more dignified
For all their fancy friends

I don’t want to be That Guy
But here I am trading work for dignity
Faking smiles for the aristocracy
Until the bitter end

But I don’t gotta so I oughta stop
taking every paying gig
Or just quit and get back to painting you

I don’t want to be That Guy
Courting counts and turning a blind eye
Though it pays for all my supplies
It’s not what I want to do

I don’t want to be That Guy
But here I am with my brushes and paint knives
Painting pictures of people I don’t like
I’m just another tool

I don’t want to be That Guy
I don’t want to be That Guy
I don’t want to be That Guy
Track Name: Week 18: Bop
Bop!
Track Name: Week 19: My Morbid Imagination
Do you ever feel like we should just stop?
It’s too late to turn back now
but maybe not too late to drop it
Do you ever feel like a stranger
In a familiar land?
And all your stuff has become contraband?

You say there is still love in the air
And just because I don’t feel it
doesn’t mean that it’s not there
But as we float around the drain
Burning questions remain
Unanswered like your prayers

You say just show us a smile
You say try running a mile
You say it’s all in my head
Just imagine the best
And go manifest it

Do you remember on my birthday
I turned 18 that April then I left for good in May
But we held on while the holding was good
I lied to you that I would
Never let my faith dissipate

We stayed up until the white noise from the cars on I-75
Conspired with the sun to bury the night alive
And all the alcohol we drank
And all the drugs we could take
Wouldn’t slow the morning light

You said show me that smile
You said I should change my hairstyle
You were something to behold
Something to be held
As we both fell

I fear
My morbid imagination
Gets in the way
Of the straight and narrow
I sincerely
Hope that I’m wrong
But I’m not feeling strong
And I can’t help but long for those days

Do you ever feel like we should let go?
It’s too late to turn back now
But maybe we should just cancel the show
Do you ever feel like a fraud
Living a facade?
Where every new idea’s recycled group-thought?

You say just soak in a hot tub
You say try joining my book club
Well I saw your event
And I responded interested
But I won’t go

I fear
My morbid imagination
Gets in the way
Of the straight and narrow
I sincerely
Hope that I’m wrong
But I’m not feeling strong
And I can’t help but long for those days

I fear
My morbid imagination
Gets in the way
Every day
I sincerely
Hope that you’re right
When you say it’s a phase
And everything will be okay
Track Name: Week 20: Strange Situation
Calibrate your logic
Against the sky
Just make sure your watch is
Synchronized

We’ve got a strange situation
It’s gonna take all of your attention

So stay close
And alert
And try to remain
Undeterred
Or you’ll wind up getting deserted

Configure the compass
Zoom out your view
Sometimes the shortest path is not
The hypotenuse

This is a strange situation
Your geometry is deprecated

Navigate
Through the trees
Calculate
Your trajectory
Pick a scale
Before you pick a degree

This is a strange situation
You feel a funny combination

Of the happy
And the sad
And the sense that you don’t know where you’re at
Hoping that the grid lines lead you back
Track Name: Week 21: Autopilot
I am
In my best mood
When I reach cruising altitude
But when I cannot thread the eyelet
I switch to autopilot
To take me from where I am to
Striking distance of where
You are
At your best, friend
When I feel myself descend
It’s an optical illusion
Mode confusion
Has got me wondering
Which way is up and which way is down

Eyes shut
I'm too high but
I am the pilot
Giddy headed
Peering through the smoke
Wondering
Who has the yoke
Wondering
If this is all a

Bad joke
I have a feeling
The punchline
Will not make me laugh
Now I feel like a balloon
Getting strewn
Hoping to end up in
Striking distance of where you are

Eyes shut
I'm too high but
I’m no pilot
Dizzy headed
Peering through a hole
Wondering who has control
Wondering who has control
Track Name: Week 22: Architect
I am an architect
My buildings are circumspect
Inspectors cannot inspect
Without appealing to my darker side
I’m an elevator ride
The higher that my buildings grow
The more I know
This elevator is coming close
To the highest floor
I’ll ever design
And I’m scared
So I’m taking the stairs

To get back down to the basics I well know
Wood blocks and Legos
To find somehow that interlocking logic
Are there no more projects in this
Torn and tattered heart
If I put it all together
Why can’t I take it all apart

I am a builder
My buildings bewilder
If it feels off kilter
Please just don’t look down
My foundation is built upon
An ancient burial ground
The higher that my buildings grow
The more I know
That vertigo
Will be taking hold
And I’m surrounded by ghosts
And I’m scared
And a little bit embarrassed

So I go back to the things that I know well
Cowering in stairwells
To hide somehow from an unsettled spirit
Although I hear its
Torn and tattered heart
Is not unlike mine
All that I’ve learned
Is that I’m not very smart
Once I put it all together
I want to tear it all apart

I’ll go back to the basics I well know
Lincoln Logs and Legos
To find somehow that interlocking logic
And make a project of my
Torn and tattered heart
But once I put it back together
I’ll probably tear it all apart
Because I’m not very smart

I am an architect
Track Name: Week 23: I Can't Stay
I wanna get out of dodge
As I lay down in the back seat of the one in my dad’s garage
Close my eyes and imagine I am in my own car
Somewhere very far away

In the silence
I remember I don’t have a driver's license
That’s okay I prefer the bus anyway
Although a car is both a way to travel
And a place to stay

I am uncertain of the method and the date
I am uncertain of side roads or freeways
I am uncertain of pretty much everything that awaits

I wanna get out of dodge
But I can’t evade the feeling these decisions I make today
Will never be unmade
So I’ll just close my eyes and imagine I’m not afraid

I am uncertain of the method and the date
I am uncertain of my final resting place
I am uncertain of pretty much everything it’ll take

One thing’s for certain: I can’t stay
Track Name: Week 25: We're Having Fun
We're having fun
We're gonna die
Track Name: Week 26: One Wrong Turn
I didn’t think that it would matter
When I was leaving work
And I took a wrong turn
I felt no need to go any faster
And it was a lovely day
So I figured I’d take the long way home

I didn’t think that it would matter
But then I found myself
In an unfamiliar place
I’m not a good direction asker
Anyway there’s not much
Waiting for me at home

Maybe I should
Stop and find my place
Turn around
Head back to town and

Lay down
Rest my weary frown

I didn’t think that it would matter
But now I’m chasing a setting sun
Around the next bend
Feeling relieved of all the clatter
Not ready to be done
Not ready for this to end
And go Home

Yes I know
I should go back I know
Someone there might even care

Instead I throw
My phone out the window
Buy more fuel to burn
I may never return but

I don’t think that it will matter
Track Name: Week 27: Too Much
The days creep up our steps like mormon boys
We are stuck in a loop like a white noise generator
Bought from a Chinese sweatshop

How much is too much? It never ends
How much is too much? It’s a trick question
We’re in an election season


Come on and show us your good swing
Show us you really know the fairway
Clearly you got skills and clubs
Can you chip us out of the deep rough or something?

The days tumble down our steps like your drunk friends
We are stuck in a loop like divine science fiction
Shit, is it November again?

How much is too much? It’s all an act
How much is too much? Do you even have to ask?
As they pull down their ski masks and run

In a free and fair election
Two commas are bare minimum
You know they say the sun
Never sets on
The American Way
You know how it goes most Tuesdays
Track Name: Week 28: Brazen Tales
They’re keeping track of me
I guarantee it
I want to be alone
With the fireflies on the west coast
Sending smoke signals back home
And the radios up in orbit somewhere
Keep me feeling stoned
I’m not gonna lie
I can’t explain why
I just know, I just know, I just know

Feels good to
See through it all
Their leaden veils and their brazen tales
But the truth leaks through the cracks in their walls

They’re keeping track of things
So we don’t have to
And if you come back around here
I’m going to move your made-up mind somehow so
Bring a hungry heart with your dusty doubt

They’re keeping track of me
I guarantee it
Though I don’t really mind anymore
I see the ways of the world now
And it seems I was wrong before
Thank God I figured it out

The firebugs and the satellite drugs
Protect me from the spreading wars
I’m not gonna lie
I’ve changed my mind
As long as they keep me safe I’m on board
As long as they keep me safe I’m on board

Feels good to
Pierce through the pall
Their leaden veils and their brazen tales
‘Til the truth leaks out and I drink it all

They’re keeping track of me
I guarantee it
Track Name: Week 29: Dance With Me
Is she is skipping rocks on a lake in Arkansas
Is she catching a tan on the Baltic Sea
Maybe she’s hitchhiking across Antarctica
Is there a girl - a girl who will dance with me?

And when I dance
It’s like I’m walking on a trampoline
Like there are thumb tacks under my feet
I’m like a fish swimming up a stream...

I’m always dancing in the morning light
I’m always dancing in my dreams at night
But I’d stop long enough to open the door
And then I’d dance some more

Does she know her way around the city
Does she have a sense of directionality
Does she speak a language I can learn to speak
Is there a girl - a girl who will dance with me?

And when I dance
I might be moonwalking down your street
Like Michael Jackson on dramamine
Maybe not, but you know what I mean

I’ll be dancing in the morning light
I’ll be dancing in my dreams at night
But I’ll stop long enough to let her in
Then I’ll start dancing again

Is she splashing down this very street
Trying to stay dry in the pouring rain
Is she seeking shelter on my front porch
Is this the one - the girl who will dance with me?

Will we dance
Like we’re walking on a trampoline
Like we’re skipping through a movie scene
Like we’re some ancient King and Queen

We’ll be dancing in the morning light
We’ll be dancing in our dreams at night

I’m gonna stop just long enough to let her in from stormy weather
And then we’ll dance together
And then we’ll dance together
Track Name: Week 30: Business Casual
He was nervy on his first day
He’d lied on his resume
He felt so unqualified
To be there in the first place
She smiled in his direction
That was all he needed to relax
And so he smiled back

Before too long they’re sneaking
Taking secret meetings
Touching base, working late
Thanking god for mondays
Co-workers with benefits
Making out inside the office closet
On a Tuesday afternoon

He says I think I’m falling for you
She says I think I’m falling too
Then she winks and fixes his lapel
Makes him promise not to kiss and tell
Just keep it business casual

Soon their fears were mounting
When Sarah in accounting
Pulled them both aside
To see what’s up
At first they tried denying it
But Sarah wasn’t buying it
You guys are bad at hiding it

Everybody already knows
Everybody already knows

She says I think I’m falling for you
He says I think I’m falling too
She smiles like on the day they met
We thought we were Romeo and Juliet
Turns out everybody was cool with it
It was business as usual

They thought they were like Romeo and Juliet
Keeping it business casual
But they discovered that everyone was cool with it
It was business as usual
Track Name: Week 31: Snow In The Summertime
The sun is mild
The forest wild
The fires are domesticated
The stars are lost
The sky exhausted
And I’m isolated from

All of the reasons I came
Disclaimer: I’m lame
Tell me that story again
About snow in the summertime

The river deserts
The valley inverts
The view from my bedroom window
Come ring my bell
Peek into my well-lit
But empty living room

I made a list why I stay
1st reason: I’m lame
Tell me that story again
About swimming in the wintertime
Track Name: Week 32: Anybody But You
I saw you
Tugging on a wagon full of trinkets and artworks
And bottles of booze
I knew right then
I’m gonna find a way to beg or borrow
Or steal my own wagon
Because

You always have your shit together
Covered with a tarp in the inclement weather

I saw you
Serenading ladies on the corner of
Higgins and Main
I knew right then
I’m gonna find a way to sing and play
My very own instrument
Because

You always have your shit together
Making people smile in the inclement weather

My doctor tells me that I’m healthy
It’s true
My therapist tells that I’m lucky
That’s true too
So why on Earth is it so hard for me to
Be anybody but you
Anybody but you

I saw you
Doubled over in the alley with your bottle of booze
And your guitar coming unglued
I knew right then
I was gonna find a way to harness
My own depression
Because

You never had your shit together
Acting like it’s sunny in the inclement weather

My doctor tells me that I’m healthy
It’s true
My therapist says that I’m so lucky
That’s true too
So why on Earth is it so hard for me to
Be anybody but you
Anybody but you
Track Name: Week 33: Blood Brother
Because I sucked your fingertip
Tasted the prick of blood
Seasoned with mud
Every time I bite my lip
I wonder how much of you
Still runs through
These veins

I know what we promised each other
You are still my blood brother
But do you remember?

Because you sucked my fingertip
Laughed when the deal was sealed
With a handshake in a field
Now when you get a papercut
Do you recall
Imagine me flowing all
Through your veins

I know what we promised each other
You are still my blood brother
Do you remember we said forever?
Track Name: Week 34: Square Wonder
I spend too much time projecting intellectual
Implying future-perfect, well
That makes no sense
It’s only tense after all
I confessed

In my passive voice I professed my love
20 plus years past the first big shove
Our hearts bound now by weakened rope
I hope you’re not losing hope

And then you look at me like I’m dumb
As we head back to square one

I tend to let things go for way too long
Chewing on my gum until the flavor’s gone
And even when my jaw starts to wear down
I never ever spit it out

I don’t wanna burst your bubblegum
As we head back to square one

I remember when you told me that you laid awake
All night with a bad headache
And I knew right away
What you were trying to say
Didn’t I?

That was the moment you first grabbed my gut
And you held tight as it expanded but
Now it seems like all we do is reminisce
About our first kiss

So I’m gonna wake up from the slumber
And take you back to square wonder
Track Name: Week 36: Daisy on a Hill
Daisy on a hill so far away
Daisy on a hill so far away
Lazy on a hill
I'll lie here until
The sunlight fades
I'll think about every place
I’d rather lay with Daisy
So far away

Daisy on a hill there in my mind
Daisy on a hill there like a shrine
Lazy on a hill
I'll lie here until
Daisy’s mine
Talkin’ about a long time

And each night I sit
Alone in my bed
I want to be angry
I want to be sad
I want to be hungry
I want to be led
I want to keep wanting
I want but instead
Tomorrow will see me smile
At a daisy on a hill so far away
Track Name: Week 37: Trans
When you say this is the calm before
The whole damn thing shuts down
You pray you’re right
I say you’re wrong
Though I know this slo-mo show is shown in every town

Things might feel okay some days
But soon enough it turns around
What you saw in my eyes
No more compromise
But in the end your prayers are gonna let you down

I don’t wanna be a dick
But then again I kind of do
Yo I know we have some history
But I’m done expecting more from you

Well here we are you’ve made decisions
That were never in your hands
I don’t want to turn this
Into a whole thing
Oh wait I guess that is exactly what I’m doing

I don’t wanna be a dick
But then again I kind of do
Yo I know we have a history of tension
But Christmas dinner is out of the question
And as you try to sleep tonight
And think about our fight
I hope you still hear my voice saying
Trans rights are human rights
Track Name: Week 39: S.O.K.
Wake up you’re here now
You don’t even know how
This all came together
In the blink
Of a wink

No one else is here
Just you and your fear
So you gotta lay down
Your welcome mat
Breaking bad
Habitation
With no relation

Welcome to your new way
It’s gonna punch you right in the face
Standard Operating Karma’s
Gonna get you

But this is not where you live
You feel like a Sleep Over Kid
Hungry and homesick
For a home
You don’t know
Means no relation
Bad habitation

Wake up and theorize
About a planet that keeps you alive
With the Same Old Kindness
That makes others pray
Makes you delay
Gratification
With no relation
Bad Habitation
Track Name: Week 40: Mind of its Own
You promised endless verse
And then collapsed into the universe
No longer rising above the din
I suppose
I shoulda seen it comin'

I suspected the end was near
Then you revealed it was always here
Shifted attention from eyes to ears
Cuz I couldn't see
What I could hear

The band wasn't loud but my ears rang
Felt the cold air
Rushing around around when the door swang
Open to the
Snow on the ground
And you walking out
That sound's got a sound of its own

Harmony always seems to know
Whispering to me through a megaphone
A crowd gathering 'round the cone
Of uncertainty, now
She certainly knows how

My poetry's so on fleek
I write a new one every week
And if you asks me what this one's about
I don't know
But she's no doubt the (weak one)

Week one I said
"It happens every time"
You think I exaggerated
Fine: every other time
Sometimes a line's justa line
That makes a good rhyme
And that line's got a rhyme of its own

Don't think too much into it now
As it turns out
My mind's got a mind of its own
Track Name: Week 41: Sleep in the Casino
Buy the farm hand me down to fuck
Bet the house always wins bad luck
Easter mass shooting up in back
Feast yer eye balls and strikes yer match

(Match) made in heaven
Ocean's eleven

The moon is full of shit happens
Your arteries are clog dancin’
Dance to the (a)musement park in back
Feast yer eyeball and chain smoke stack

(Stack) overflow
Sleep in the casino (see no) evil
Track Name: Week 42: I Will Be Fine
I will be fine
I will be fine
Hey, love of mine
I will be fine

I don’t say it lightly
Though I think it nightly
And I know it’s good to check in sometimes

I will be fine
I will be fine
Hey, love of mine
I will be fine

It feels like far too long
I’ve been writing sad songs
But I just want you to know that I’ll be fine
Track Name: Week 44: According To My Plan
My lawyer disappeared about a week ago
The secretary of state is blackmailing me
My wife ran away with a woman from Leningrad
And I really have to pee

My prisoner has escaped
The police sirens are getting louder
Their dogs are surely onto my scent by now
And I just ripped my favorite trousers

Now I watch my chateau burn to the ground
Spotlights shine down from helicopters overhead
I'm bleeding from a gunshot wound to the chest
It’s a wonder I’m not dead

But as I jump into the boat, I whisper to myself...
"Everything is going according to my plan."

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