1. |
Restless Legs
02:38
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I admit I live a charmed life acting like my shit don’t stink
And I like to think I live in harmony
Though often times I feel so
Out of tune
Tune out the outside when the bare black sky
Amplifies the good reasons why
These lonely bones keep clattering on and on
Like an automaton
In the middle of the night
When I’ve got restless legs
Is this fight or is this flight?
Cuz I’ve got restless legs
It’s late eve and I grieve as I re-read
The transcript of my own testimony
Massage my aching muscle memory
And my decision tree is
Binary
And like a whiplash, a big clash
Should I stay or should I go go go back
Lash my stash to the car and catch the vast at last
I can cast off
Pins and needles in my feet
I’ve got restless legs
Where the rubber hits the street
I’ve got restless legs
In the middle of the night
When I’ve got restless legs
Is this fight or is this flight?
Cuz I’ve got restless legs
Pins and needles in my old age
I’ve got restless legs
Where the rubber hits the road rage
I’ve got restless legs
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2. |
Hidden Hand
03:50
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Took a lap
Around the life sized map
All frayed at the edges
By the boundary hedges
Where the pixels appear
And the compass line veers
Into the alpha glow
Sat alone
In the overgrown
As the moon’s light traded
With the sun’s light faded
When a glitch in the system
Revealed a hidden schism
And the seams began to show
In the grasses and in the trees
On the edge of the periphery
The cracks
Distract
Until the stitches are all I see
But I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to sit and watch the way
This day
Fades from my display
As the hidden hand traces the rays
As the hidden hand traces the rays
The hidden hand that animates us
Also animates the stardust
Though I’m inclined
To think not so divine
As I examine its kludgy design
Could it be the engineering involved
Is all mundane now and pretty much solved
And now these gods unaware
Of the gray in my hair
Are stuck reticulating splines
Your very own creator
Master simulator
Is asleep
at the wheel
How does it make you feel
I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to watch and mystify
The skies
Reflected in my eyes
As the hidden hand renders the light
As the hidden hand renders the light
Now the scene grows liminal
I lose my grip on traditional
And I surmise
I'm just copy with no original
I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to sit and watch the way
This day
Fades from the display
As the hidden hand traces the rays
I’m not gonna think about it anymore
Just want to watch and mystify
The skies
Reflected in my eyes
While the hidden hand hides from me
The hidden hand hides from me
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3. |
I Will Be Fine
03:07
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I will be fine
I will be fine
Hey, love of mine
I will be fine
I don’t say it lightly
Though I think it nightly
And I know it’s good to check in sometimes
I will be fine
I will be fine
Hey, love of mine
I will be fine
It feels like far too long
I’ve been writing sad songs
But I just want you to know that
I will be fine
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4. |
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I never thought I’d have to be the one to say to you
Darling
Every single thing you’ve come to know is wrong.
It’s startling.
As the sticky cloudy mess of your old memories displace
You’ll find
You’re exactly where you’ve always been in this particular space
And time
It always starts out unfamiliar
But true awareness is a real pain killer
And soon enough you’ll recognize this voice is mine
I never thought I’d have to be the one to tell you
Darling
Every little thing you’ve come to know as something
was nothing.
And the itchy sneaking sense you recognize as familiarity
Baby
It over exposes your nerves they grow like roses it’s true
This is the real you
The mysterious dream foundation of
The collective consciousness is love
In the library of your mind
I hope you didn’t waste your time
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5. |
Square Wonder
03:52
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I spend too much time projecting intellectual
Implying future-perfect, well
That makes no sense
It’s only tense after all
I confessed
In my passive voice I professed my love
20 plus years past the first big shove
Our hearts bound now by weakened rope
I hope you’re not losing hope
And then you look at me like I’m dumb
As we head back to square one
I tend to let things go for way too long
Chewing on my gum until the flavor’s gone
And even when my jaw starts to wear down
I never ever spit it out
I don’t wanna burst your bubblegum
As we head back to square one
I remember when you told me that you laid awake
All night with a bad headache
And I knew right away
What you were trying to say
Didn’t I?
That was the moment you first grabbed my gut
And you held tight as it expanded but
Now it seems like all we do is reminisce
About our first kiss
So I’m gonna wake up from the slumber
And take you back to square wonder
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6. |
I Don't Need a Friend
04:20
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I don’t need a friend
Who tells me everything is alright
When it’s not alright
But I don’t need a friend
Who tells me everything is wrong
When every thing is wrong
You had your reasons for tightening the lid
You had your reasons for keeping that fact hid
While I cannot see the other side of your eyelids
I wonder if you remember what you did
Do you remember what you did?
Well sure, I felt a bit stupid
I admit took a cheap cheap shot
Escalated when I shoulda just walked away
But I swore I wouldn’t do it
That thing where I pretend it’s alright
When it’s not all right
I had my reasons for walking on eggshells
I didn’t wanna get into the lies we story-tell
I wanna be the author of the writing on the wall
So when you see it you will know who to call
When you see it you will know who to call
He don’t need a friend with which to play
He don’t need to meditate
He don't need to get to work by 8
He don’t need us
He don’t need us
Anyway
You had your reasons for ripping off the lid
You had your reasons for calling me on my bullshit
We cannot see the other side of our ego trip
But I remember what you did
I remember what you did
I don’t need a friend
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7. |
See Ya Later
02:23
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I wasn't looking for a friend
But apparently you were
You would show up here every day
In the field while I work
You’d seem to wonder why
I don’t just up and fly
And leave this work behind me
I wasn't looking for a friend
But apparently you knew
She’s been gone for 3 years now
Or is it only 2?
You have no need for me
I used to chase you from the apple tree
But now it makes me smile to see you here again
When I look at you like I just wanna leave
You look back as if to say, “Just use your wings."
Silly bird!
I wasn’t looking for a friend
But there you are
Looking at me like I’m dummy
As I get into my car
And say out loud, “I’ll see ya later”
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8. |
S.O.K.
02:28
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Wake up you’re here now
You don’t even know how
This all came together
In the blink
Of a wink
No one else is here
Just you and your fear
So you gotta lay down
Your welcome mat
Breaking bad
Habitation
With no relation
Welcome to your new way
It’s gonna punch you right in the face
Standard Operating Karma’s
Gonna get you
But this is not where you live
You feel like a Sleep Over Kid
Hungry and homesick
For a home
You don’t know
Means no relation
Bad habitation
Wake up and theorize
About a planet that keeps you alive
With the Same Old Kindness
That makes others pray
Makes you delay
Gratification
With no relation
Bad Habitation
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9. |
High Time
03:06
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You are a sweet talker
And I devour every word that you bake
You are a fast walker
And I struggle to keep up with your pace
You are my beta blocker
In a rainstorm under the roof
You are electroshocker
When this awful place drives me cuckoo
And as the world gets meaner
Our house gets cleaner
It’s high time
To get high
Put on our birthday suits
Lock the doors
Ignore the wars
Don’t watch the news
There are plenty of people
Who are much worse off
And though I don’t know exactly who
I’ll bet they’re fighting
I hope they’re fighting in lieu
Of me and you
You are a laughing gasser
I used to laugh at your worldview
I am a first classer
You once saw first class on your way to the loo
I am the forecaster
And there’s big storm making landfall
We are dark matter
It turns out we don’t matter at all
And as the world grows ugly
We’ll cuddle snugly
It’s high time
We get high
As the world goes down the tubes
Turn off our goddamn phones
Blow each others’ nose
And stop watching the fucking news
There are plenty of people
Who are much worse off
Than me and you
And I bet they’re fighting
I’ll bet they’re fighting
I’ll bet somebody’s fighting
And since we’re not fighting
I hope they do
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10. |
Anybody But You
02:49
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I saw you
Tugging on a wagon full of trinkets and artworks
And bottles of booze
I knew right then
I’m gonna find a way to beg or borrow
Or steal my own wagon
Because
You always have your shit together
Covered with a tarp in the inclement weather
I saw you
Serenading ladies on the corner of
Higgins and Main
I knew right then
I’m gonna find a way to sing and play
My very own instrument
Because
You always have your shit together
Making people smile in the inclement weather
My doctor tells me that I’m healthy
It’s true
My therapist tells that I’m lucky
That’s true too
So why on Earth is it so hard for me to
Be anybody but you
Anybody but you
I saw you
Doubled over in the alley with your bottle of booze
And your guitar coming unglued
I knew right then
I was gonna find a way to harness
My own depression
Because
You never had your shit together
Acting like it’s sunny in the inclement weather
My doctor tells me that I’m healthy
It’s true
My therapist says that I’m so lucky
That’s true too
So why on Earth is it so hard for me to
Be anybody but you
Anybody but you
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11. |
This Machine
02:22
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This machine is poetry in motion
This machine works best when it’s broken
This machine is something to see
This machine is me
This machine is
This machine runs 24/7
This machine keeps working when it is sleeps
This machine is guaranteed to break down
Eventually
This machine is me
Information - it is a notion
I cannot wrap my head around
Information - it is an ocean
I cannot jump into
Lest I soak my circuits and burn out
This machine’s uncertain where it came from
This machine’s just a lever for some fulcrum
This machine no longer hears the soft hum
Of its own energy
Stored potentially
This machine is me
Information - endless abyss
I wipe my data with a kiss
Information - endless kinesis
This machine is helpless
This machine is jealous
This machine is me
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12. |
My Morbid Imagination
05:09
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Do you ever feel like we should just stop?
It’s too late to turn back now
but maybe not too late to drop it
Do you ever feel like a stranger
In a familiar land?
And all your stuff has become contraband?
You say there is still love in the air
And just because I don’t feel it
doesn’t mean that it’s not there
But as we float around the drain
Burning questions remain
Unanswered like your prayers
You say just show us a smile
You say try running a mile
You say it’s all in my head
Just imagine the best
And go manifest it
Do you remember on my birthday
I turned 18 that April then I left for good in May
But we held on while the holding was good
I lied to you that I would
Never let my faith dissipate
We stayed up until the white noise from the cars on I-75
Conspired with the sun to bury the night alive
And all the alcohol we drank
And all the drugs we could take
Wouldn’t slow the morning light
You said show me that smile
You said I should change my hairstyle
You were something to behold
Something to be held
As we both fell
I fear
My morbid imagination
Gets in the way
Of the straight and narrow
I sincerely
Hope that I’m wrong
But I’m not feeling strong
And I can’t help but long for those days
Do you ever feel like we should let go?
It’s too late to turn back now
But maybe we should just cancel the show
Do you ever feel like a fraud
Living a facade?
Where every new idea’s recycled group-thought?
You say just soak in a hot tub
You say try joining my book club
Well I saw your event
And I responded interested
But I won’t go
I fear
My morbid imagination
Gets in the way
Of the straight and narrow
I sincerely
Hope that I’m wrong
But I’m not feeling strong
And I can’t help but long for those days
I fear
My morbid imagination
Gets in the way
Every day
I sincerely
Hope that you’re right
When you say it’s a phase
And everything will be okay
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13. |
Figure It Out
02:40
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My pretty ditty pits its
Petulant intents against
The sense my friends are fences
I must try to ascend
I dreamed a different scene
The grass was greener
I could glean a new crew
One that would skew to
Venues i don't do
And for the first time in my life
I’ll sing about the last time
In my life
I’ll never figure it out
Oh my God
I’ll never figure it out
The Michiganders
Set the standard
I got gerrymandered
My head was redistricted
My heart was unbound
I flew the coop, regrouped
And discharged all my troops
I scooped good views
And dirtied shoes
Now i avoid my old town
And for the last time in my life
I’ll sing about the first time
In my life
I’ll never figure it out
Oh my God
I’ll never figure it out
For the first time in my life
I felt justified to
Harmonize
For the first time in my life
I started writing songs and making music
That I actually kinda liked to listen to
And I was like
Oh My God
I think I figured it out
I think I figured it out
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14. |
Repeat and Fade
03:50
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it feels like years ago
Or does it feel like yesterday?
I’m not sure but I am sincere when
I say this whole damn year’s been
Such a blurry mess that
I’m not sure if it was worth it or wasted
Okay I know it’s not
And you know I know it’s not
Still I go back and forth and back each day
Repeat and fade
I found excuses to build a cocoon
Start a new project that keeps me consumed
Hole up alone in a windowless room
Build a little factory for cranking out tunes
Avoid the truth and
Pretend what I do Is important to you
But I know it’s not
And I know you know that it’s not
Still I go back and forth and back each week
Fade out while I repeat
I imagine ten years from now
It will feel like the snap of a finger
Since I put down these rhymes
And I’ll cringe as nostalgia lingers
I’ve said before and I’ll say it some more
It happens every time!
And I know it’s true
And I hope you know it too
So sit back and watch the decades
Repeat and fade
Repeat and fade
Repeat and fade
Repeat and fade
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John Brownell Missoula, Montana
Singer / songwriter / recorder in Missoula, MT.
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